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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Blah blah

The ancient Greeks said, "Know thyself" I think this is alwys the question/quest in our lives because we r constantly evolving/growing  

So I conclude to "know thyself" is to always know who u r at every given moment  of ur life & to try and never lose sight of YOU and who YOU are no matter the circumstances....

Cause 2 "know thyself" sets us free from all the bondage and shackles of what it really is like to live in this world, striving 2 be just like everyone else, fitting in with the rest of the world or just simply conforming 2 what we think we need 2 be based off of someone else's needs or standards... 

Society rules...
It dictates...
We are tainted with distortions and fed lies and yet what do we believe??? What happens to who we really are? 

Do we follow?

Flow? 

Or rule????
(I choose to rule) 

Being true 2 urself  is really "knowing thyself" always... 
Because when all is said and done and we  come face to face with our own reflections...
And when we ask ourselves who is it that we have truly become...

The answer should never be muffled...

Distorted....

Or left unanswered....

The answer should ALWAYS remain and ALWAYS be.....
ME!!!! (u not me... But me... U know what I mean?)

I came, I saw, and I conquered 

And in the end it was always ME!!!!

"know thyself" : I guess they were pretty smart back then too lol

Friday, September 24, 2010

Uncut chant 5

So as I prepare to close one chapter of my life a new chapter awaits me! Although scary and sad it's exciting and thrilling to know that I am on my way to much happier times 

Saturday, September 18, 2010

How to tell if your man is a PSYCHO!!!!

Ladies so how many times we meet a guy and get so caught up in the illusion of the things we Want in a relationship and wind up getting completely blindsided by the man that stands before us. 

We get so caught up in the hype that we ignore all the clear warning signs that are given to us that indicates that this one we picked is not the one. In fact he's a psycho. 

The definition of a psycho that I am using here is one of a person who demonstrates any form of psychotic, controlling, tyrannical abusive behavior. 

You would think that hey I should be able to spot that. And you think oh my man doesn't display any of those type of behavioral tendencies. But let's dive in and truly find out. You could lie to yourself or live in denial if you like but you can't ignore these signs that indicate your man is not all up there. And if he's capable of doing any of these listed things then who knows what would be in store for you once it really is too late. 

So first off his past relationships are clear indicators of warning signs that should immediately trigger you to be weary. His past loves are afraid of him. He's not allowed to go near them because of a restraining order. Or whatever the reason may be. Learn as much as you can about his past loves. 

And you wonder to yourself but who would share all of this information? You never know if you never ask. You have every right to inquire especially if you are considering long term commitment. 

Now if the man in question doesn't reveal much about his past still be weary cause again you never know. Why is he not willing to share anything about his prior relationships? Also pay attention to how he expresses himself when speaking of his past relationships. What tone is he using? What expression is on his face? 

Ladies investigate. 

Cause the wolf always hides in sheeps  disguise. 

He wants to know your every move. He wants to know everything at all times. He snoops through all your things and violates all your privacy. He justifies his actions by saying it's cause he cares or worries about you. He says he just looks after his ladies this way cause he would never want anything bad to happen to you. 

He speaks badly about all your friends and family. This kind of man please watch out for.
 His desire is to isolate you from everyone. He wants to break you down so that in the end you are solely dependent on him. All those other people in your life I tell you now if you do not heed warning.... One by one just like a domino affect you will see your friends and family disappear. 

And it won't be because your friends and family do not love you or care (cause this kind of man would allow you to believe so) it's cause you have distanced yourself (and if this guy is any good he would have you believing it was ALL your idea) and if you are this far in chances are you really believe this for yourself. That this was all your idea!!! Honey you are only fooling yourself. 

Big one here... If he HitS you once believe me no matter what he says or how convincing he is he would definitely do it again. And if he is the type that even with physically abusing you he never apologiZes. Well then you are in for a real treat. Cause he is a ruthless one. No compassion and no remorse shown for his actions. This individual could be very scary almost seeming possessed. Seriously get the fuck away asap. There is no nicer way to say this. 

If that is the one you are dealing with..... Run far far away!!!!!

He is always there to relinquish his verbal onslaught of abuse. Using the most horrific of words and calls you every name in the book. He tries to make you believe you are all these things he called you. Chances are if you are in deep you probably believe most of it. 

He's weak so his job is to make you weaker. Most likely he saw in you qualities he secretly desires for himself (and it sounds crazy I know.. But remember topic... Psycho path!) His job here is to break you down emotionally, psychologically, spiritually etc. He's a demon. All your shine he wants to take away!!! Everything you are snapped right out of existence. 

This is not love!!!!

Obsession!!!

He is overly jealous and every other man is a threat. It doesn't matter who it is. (for this kind of guy even ur dad could become a problem. Cousins, uncles, close personal male friends). Consider them enemies in his mind no matter how he tries to sugarcoat it. 

Now with this overly jealous obsessive guy 1 of 2 things could happen in this scenario. Because you choose to stay and allow this man to dictate your life all men from the outside are never to be a part of your world. And if he finds out otherwise (which he will) woe to you cause you are such a dirty whore!! (more beating and isolation may occur) 
The other scenario is men are limited in your sphere but because they are not fully eliminated from your reach you still pay this price from time to time. You probably are constantly accused of flirting or cheating or whatever!  It doesn't matter what it is cause all this man will see is potential threats and because in his eyes you belong to him you pay the ultimate price for betrayal. And if he is the physical abuser kind (which he probably is) you do pay the price when his ego feels bruised in any way. (this scenario leads to more isolation and beatings)  

What about those friends I was talking about?? Your Friends!!! Your girlfriends  are never good enough. Old friends and new friends. He probably says they are bad influences or trouble. (Understand this... He's the only one who is trouble!!)  This guy has something to say about each and every one of them. And here is the reason why.
 Because females talk and females share. And true real friends keep it honest and real. This kind of guy wouldn't Want for you to get any kind of ideas of rebelling in any way just because your girlfriends said. Remember they can Not tell you what to do in his eyes he is the only one allowed. 

Your money. He tries to control what you spend it on. He may even try to cover it up and masking his true intentions by saying it's for your own good cause with him he will help you to budget correctly. And girl let me tell you no matter how right you do this you will always be doing it wrong in his eyes. You are not capable of maintaing finances. He wants for you to believe this because when the time comes (and it will)  he will be  in complete control of all finances. It would be just one more thing added that you have to rely on him for. 

Do you see this pattern??
Do you see how this could all leave to psychotic behavior.

Do you see how this is psychotic behavior???  

Men like this their minds operate differently. Their minds do not function normally? These men have MANY screws loose in their head!!!!


What's psychotic you may say... 
Anything or anyone who tries to break you. Anyone who forces you to do anything against your will for fear of some horrid consequences. Anyone who behaves as a tyrant and abuser. Anyone who justifies these behaviors and does so convincingly that you are almost fooled (or maybe you are) 

These signs I give you are just skimming the surface....
 but what about the secret closet of pain for those of you involved in a relationship like this or those of you who have luckily made it out of one?

The nightmares of losing those close around you. The fear of someone lurking in a hidden corner ready to pounce and attack you. The manipulation used to control you. The repeated beatings. Those silent screams. Rape! Torture! Fear!

It's madness!!!!

And it has to STOP!!!

It's a very sad world we live in when knowing this is happening to millions of woman in this world who cant help feel defenseless and hopeless. 

Remember in the beginning for those of you who still have an early chance for a safe exit....
Once an eyebrow is raised on any peculiar behavior exhibited with your man. Ask yourself  Is he really truly  worth it? 

I say He is a piece of shit!!! And the biggest coward ever!!!

And get out while you still can!!!!! 

The only way to silence this enemy is to attack the enemy by revealing and shouting truth.

God has even said...
"For the truth shall set you free"

 Do not allow your silence to be his gain!!! No monster like this wants to be seen by all.
 Remember silence is the enemy. And denial is your enemy. 

And this man who is by your side....

He is your biggest enemy!!!!

Don't allow ur  fear to grip at your core and rip you to shreds. 

He is only a MAN!!!!!

Remember that... 

And he's not a real man either. 


God bless you all!!!

And
You know what needs to be done!!!

So do you and get your life back!!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Uncut Chant 4

Omg I can't stay away from this phone. It's like my everything. My little baby. I can access everything on this phone and this... it drives me crazy. Cause I'm constantly checking on my phone or using my phone in some capacity.   That shit is crazy. Its like some false sense of security, every few seconds.. On the phone on the phone on the phone.

It could be for anything...
Listening to music
Talking on the phone
Checking emails
Sending emails
Posting on fb
Writing in my notepAd
Etc etc etc

Its like geez Jennifer ok put the phone down. I find something to do with it like every second. It's like I think something or want to know something and voila... Presto!! I pick up my phone to get everything I think I need.  Fast too... In like seconds. Bam... Info is there.
But that's why it drives me crazy cause it's so addicting. And many people know what I mean (deny if u like lol) and i know there are the rare few who r not glued to their phone. (notice many that are have the iPhones, bbm, android & a whole list of those kind of phones) and these phones have people using them all the time.  (and there are so many apps that are Wonderful whats not to love?) Lol
And then it becomes like this freaking nervous ball of energy that is frantic and it consumes my very being and causes me to  find myself with my phone in my hand....
Most of the time!

And many times I am doing absolutely nothing with it but flicking the screen back and forth aimlessly. With no direction or purpose as to why i treasure this "materiAl substance" like if it were my child. Lol.

That must mean That I am bored. But wait I'm constantly doing stuff. And while I am  doing my "stuff" my phone is being  used in some capacity &  always within reach.  That is sheer madness. Ridiculous.  I give the phone a lot to Olivia cause i cant i cant deal with it lol   But as soon as its back in my hands I can't stop..
Once again 

Addiction.

It takes constant restraint to just leave the phone alone. I've been practicing but u know i still have more  work to do.  but I am getting better lol

We can all relate somehow. It doesn't just have to be a phone. It could be anything u do that turns into OCD. Be wary! Lol  

Believe it or not some people get mad at me because I do this  Ok not  some but 1 and  They take it as I am Not paying attention or that I'm being rude.  But I'm Not.  
Ok yes sometimes I may not be paying attention but those times are when i am interrupted from whatever I was doing or thinking and at times it's hard for me to snap out of it and fully pay attention especially if i was engrossed in what i was originally doing before the intrusion. And its nothing personal but if u know me well then u know I'm like a little OCD when it comes to completions. I want whatever I was doing done or whatever I was thinking... Thought!
And when I'm off in my own little world. Sometimes it's just best to wait it out for a moment till I get back cause then and only then will u have my undivided attention.  So I just need those few moments to finish up.
But I still hear u! I  will just process what I am hearing from u in a few moments once I'm finished with what I was doing.

Now I sound mean. I don't do this all the time. I know when not to. Lol.

I am still not tired. Most of the time i have so much excess energy that I don't get tired or go to sleep as "regular" ppl do. But that does not mean  I do not  sleep... It just means i sleep when im tired or when i get the chance to sleep  For me It doesn't matter the time. I love sleeping at any hour. Why does it only have to be at night?
As long as everything gets done that needs to be done I will always find my time for sleep and when that time comes  no one bother me lol (seriously cause then I could become quite vicious and rip ur head off) lol

Ok so it's established  I don't have  "conventional" sleeping patterns  but so what?
But I find talking to a variety of people and processing all of my life studies  I have found many who are just  like me. People  who are night owls, vampires and children of the night (whatever u want to call it). Many of them are family too.... Its in the genes i guess and i love it cause I know I am not alone.

Vampires

Look at that... a frog just hopped by me.
Almost scared the shit out of me (good thing im not a screamer)

right now I'm sitting in front of my house
(in the dark)
at night
(neighbors sleeping)
crickets chirping
and the sound of silence is in the air. (did u know that silence has a sound... Seriously think about it the next time ur alone and it's quiet lol)
but anyway so  please keep in mind that where I live  raccoons roam freely in this neck of the woods.
 and Here i am on my "phone" but of course... smoking my cigarette and out of no where out hops this frog chanting ribbit ribbit...  violating my extremely sacred space... (my alone time).

And no the frog didn't say ribbit ribbit.

It doesn't mean that's not what I heard!

Well Who wouldn't naturally Get frazzled at least for a moment especially thinking ur alone? I did! Lol

But  once I realized what it was I was like "awww look at the pretty froggy"  lol I'm crazy 

What i want to know is Where the hell are these frogs coming from? I do not live near any pond!  At least I don't think I do!
Unless... They don't need a pond.....
I wonder...
Wait...
Do they need a pond?
Idk but can u see how I am???
Now because of this tiny little wonderment  I need to  find out this answer lol!
If I do not it will bother me to death... Tomorrow 1 of the things I will do is find out all about these dam frogs. Great!!! Lmao

Unless people are buying them as pets and then setting them free. Which if that is the case then that's cruel and super cruel!  Setting them loose in a world that is not there natural habitat. They prob get eaten by the raccoons and the street cats. So sad 

That's it no more assuming or jumping to conclusions I will find out later... Or who knows once I'm done writing in my notebook (on my phone)

Now I am tired...  of writing or typing or whatever its called that i am doing while using this device from my phone.  Is it called notepadding with what I am  doing  right now? Lol

Might check that out too!!!!

And now for even greater news... I am putting  this phone down... I will not use my phone for the remainder of this duration!!!


Lies...


Gn ttyl 

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Uncut chant 3 (I think) lol

I love words. Words make up any language spoken and in them a multitude of meanings. Words are indeed powerful and they evoke in us strong feelings. Emotions that no words could truly begin to express. BeCause "feeling" is the more powerful element. No amount of words could begin to convey the intensity of a certain emotion. A person may describe the action and even the feeling with words but if the persons words are not chosen "wisely" those exact words could be misinterpreted for something else and "boom" there goes an opposing affect. And sometimes the meaning behind which the words are spoken are not fully understood or taken in and creates something else I wish not to get into lol.
 That's why I love words because "words" execute such authority when spoken.  Explains why i love when words are sung... It could become euphoric if you find the right music that feeds your soul.  I am always listening for the things that nourish my soul. Loving words that move me.

Is that weird that I love words?  I am moved by genuine emotion too I am a sensitive creature  and if someones words evoke a powerful sense of emotion in me I get tingly all over.Lol

Utter madness....


Music soothes me. I have been surprised in my time to have met people who do not enjoy music and I am still baffled by the concept. Idk how that's possible. But I'm always preaching anything is possible. So I guess this fits that category too. But for me when I get into my iPod zone that's it I am a goner. I create my playlists and they are all created based off of different moods that I have. Believe it or not I have a playlist for when I am happy, sad, angry, etc. There's a playlist for when I feel like dancing too. And there r different genres for too. There are the contemporary dances, hiphop (mixed with contemporary), 80's dance, Spanish lol everything i like arranged for when I need it. Is that OCD? I just hate having to go thru all the songs on shuffle and clicking skip skip skip constantly because that irks me and alters my mood and who knows what happens after that lol

Craziness...

I love that once words are delivered... They release an Affect! That's why I love this part of the blog uncut chant because it's my unedited version of talking my b.s. And it's honest. And I actually do not delete. If I thought it and wrote it so then it's there...

Exposed in a way...
Dangerous in many other ways... Because sometimes I think some wild far out shit and I am way too concealed to do something like that so on days like those  I intentionally stay away completely from any form of writing devices except paper and pen (they are always my friends)  Lol. The 1 thing I do is the spell check (sometimes I forget)but most of the time I do not cause u be surprised how many times you could forget how to spell a word and it's not that ur stupid there are just so many freakin words. Even when I actually write on paper I have a dictionary handy.  Or when u spell a word right and it just looks wrong I impulsively have to check. If not and i dont check That shit would bother me. So I sometimes take longer then necessary. Lol. And u know what 2 words annoy the shit out of me "then" and "than" so I unfortunately can't get it so I am always reciting the rule in my head. Or "effect" and "affect" lol.

Silly...

Well if u read this much already I sincerely thank u and hoped u enjoyed! And thanks for showing some love. Positive thoughts reap positive rewards so always stay positive!!!! Don't forget to count ur blessings cause there r plenty to be found 

Well peace out and ttyl
Coming to u straight from my iPhone uncut chant (I think it's 3 now) lol


Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Ur trying to make me dizzy with ur spell
Selling me the dream but I can tell
Been down this road many time b4
And now ur kind returns asking me for some more
U come around I'm spellbound but I know ur full of smoke
It doesn't matter how I feel
Cause I know where this will go

Open doors closed doors
Tears and fears
Bloodshed and heartache
The pain...
The wasted years....

Do u know? 
Nothing has changed
I'm still dizzy
Dizzy 4 u 
Don't want to lose myself this way
Ur building a smoke screen and it's got to stop
don't want to drown
Don't want to drown 
Ur love is not 

Ur eyes sell me lies
U tell me all the things I long to hear
But I know better nothing has changed
The way I feel about u is only real
Everything else foggy but clear 
And I won't lose myself again at the end of the day
So what is best for u to walk away
Cause this reality I'm in is not ur game
I'm unwilling to live in what u got

Turn around and just stop
Stop trying to sell me what ur not 
A waste of breath a waste a time 
Oh I can't take 
I know I will lose myself if I allow u to stay
So I'm telling u I want u to go never mind all the pain 
Just go away! 
I don't want to live my life this way 
Cause All i know is ur not what I want 


Open doors closed doors
Tears and fears
Bloodshed and heartache
The pain...
The wasted years....

Do u know? 
Nothing has changed
I'm still dizzy
Dizzy 4 u
Don't want to lose myself this way
Ur building a smoke screen and it's got to stop
don't want to drown
Don't want to drown 
Ur Love is not 

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I never knew how much hidden disgust 
Still seeps within me when I see ur face
Ur smile irritates the shit out of me 
The scent of u repulses me 
I have to force myself to look away 
Because the sight of u sickens me 
In the very bottom pit of my stomach 
The stench of u makes me vomit 
 that creepy crawling darkness 
The one that penetrates deep within my veins
Wants to know and wants to see
Everything that there is to know about u because I feel I have that right! 
Everything so bright...
 I at one time blamed u for taking away my light
She shined so bright! 
And now here u are 
Smug, happy and ever so vibrant 
And I thought that I would be ok 
I felt that enough years had past that I am now ready and prepared to see ur fucking face again and u know what who would of known... I still can't! I cant stand the site of it... Ur face! 
Then I find myself stuck and torn cause haven't I grown? 
Didn't I move on past all this foolishness? 
Could of fooled myself...
For the site of u still repulses me...
I had to shut u off...
Erase u... Delete u from existence...
I sent u to oblivion...
And now I send you again...
Torpedoing u out of this galaxy
Out of sight out of mind 
Goodbye for u will never cross my mind never again...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

My world (short bio written for school)

Embracing life with arms wide open. My  viewing of the world is like that of a child, pure innocent and sweet till tainted.  Breathing in the air and taking it all in and smiling at all the marvels of this world. Forever A child of God and grateful for each blessing bestowed unto me. 

Living each day one step at a time. Evolving physically, mentally, spiritually, humanly with each passing day. I wake up refreshed and reborn every morning. 

The way I see it is that in life it doesn't matter today about anything that once was or about anything that already happened and can not be changed.  The only thing that matters is the here and the now, Right now!   While we continue to  strive towards our futures that are forever in motion and constantly changing. But one important thing I try to never forget are all the things that have brought me to where i am now today.  Because it is those very experiences that helped form and shape me into the kind of person I am right now. It doesn't mean the me I am today would necessarily be the me of tomorrow. I'm constantly evolving. I am a work of art constantly in progress. 

I strongly believe Our lives set the path into making us who we are. And who we are is a CHOICE that we make based on how we allowed life to mold and form us.  We choose who we become! 

Some people believe in God some people don't. I myself can not understand  how anyone can not believe in the existence of God.  To each is own in my book but still although I can understand why some may feel that way but that inner part of me that lives, breathes, and feels knows that there is something much more and I refuse to deny. 

 I love Science and facts and I can be very skeptical at times about many things but I always keep an open mind Too.   But I will not try to be convinced that just because scientifically God can not be proven for me that doesn't prove that God does not exist.   It just means we are not smart enough or equipped enough to prove it and sell it as fact.   Maybe we are just  Not fully evolved to discover this yet.  Nothing in life is impossible.  Or maybe just maybe we are not meant to fully comprehend all matters of existence. In some way it will reveal itself to us at it's own time. 

For someone to get to know me that person would eventually learn that my world is shared in bits and pieces and not everyone gets to know. It's like a puzzle. But I believe it's like that with absolutely everybody. We all have layers and layers and layers beyond ourselves. We are all unique  beings and we are all very special.  I really do believe that we are all very special and we all have the potential to contribute something wonderful and meaningful somewhere in this world. The trick is to find it and balance it with everything else you have to do in this world.  No one ever said it would be easy.  We all have our search, our dreams and our own realities but we all have the power to manifest anything into fruition in our own worlds. 

Winter is my home,  spring is my getaway, summer is my soul mate and  fall is my friend.  For all the seasons mean something to me and I embrace each new season with childlike curiosity and dreams for each new tomorrow.  


Here is a glimpse into my world view on the way I try and approach each waking day. YImagine standing at the edge of a cliff and you're overlooking the mountains and the smell of the crisp fresh mountain water is seeping through your nostrils.  The sky is the perfect shade of blue and the wind is whispering in your ears. The brisk breeze circulating through every inch of your body. The feeling overwhelming and euphoric. A sense of peace and tranquility quenching your very existence. A relaxing sanctuary created in your natural habitat. You are free!   Your arms are extended in the air and you take this ineffable feeling in and you own it. 

This is me and this is who I am. Although different from you we are much the same. For we think, breathe, feel, and live each day of our lives the best we know how. 

This is my short bio my name is Jennifer Molina and welcome to my world! 

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