TRUTH ENERGY

I caught it
I KNOW now
WHY this
loss of typing words
had to OCCUR
I was still not seeing something
that was calling out for my
ATTENTION
decoder is me
I dare do decree
Insight is me
when I engage inner DEEP
embracing the Creeper in me
that is not granted sleep



I have had some PAINFUL LOSS experiences in my life
LOSS has been experienced by me in various of ways
unfortunate is this that I say
and ONE particular TRAUMATIC LOSS of mine
goes back to this earthly time line
when ALL of my most treasured journals
poetry books
dream books
all these documenting books
that I was so good at keeping since I was 9 years old ...
even the diary I wrote in that started the spree of intense writing for me
when I lived thru
and wrote thru the painful experience
of losing
her

anyways
I AM not there inside of that PAIN
and ANGER train anymore
<<<<< although Up until now --- this trauma for me - could still be triggered somehow >>>>
and it is this HOW???
that I was not seeing
because most certainly I have worked thru my anger and have forgiven the idiot that was in charge of creating such earthly devastation for me - - - for you have no idea what a painful open heart wound that became for me -- felt like the death of my mother and that low blow pain of FEELING so angry for having NO CONTROL over what is going on - like that was the hard pill for me to swallow in losing my mother - -- it was in the accepting that there was NOTHING on this plane of existence that I CAN do to bring this Mother of mine in this life - back to me ...
so ANGRY and bitter I felt deep
and so when the "idiot" had all these priceless gems thrown away as if it were nothing - just garbage  --  I cried and cried and cried oh how for so many years it angered me that I refused to talk about it or mention it - because I would get so emotionally worked up and would feel the pain as if it just happened ... I did not write the same for a very long time...

that passion
that fever
that flame of fire I breathe when writing
you have to see
I just type and type and type
I shall share the process one day
I just have lots to say
there is not  much to it
I just go
and stop when I am done
lol

anyways

back to what I was saying
and INFUSING for within me for the HEALING
and unseen behavior pattern that was created long long ago
that I super oblivious to its rippling effects
THANKFUL for my Intuitive DETECT I'VE aligned in LOVING
TRUTH
always desiring the PEACEFUL SOULutION to many of my own constitutions that are brought to my attention that are convoluted and so not even my own

When awareness continuously EXPANDS
limitations become these false teachings we once were told
but NOW we know
and that is all there is to all of this

I realized that even while allowing myself to become distracted and still remain in absolute awareness of what is happening all around - like this 3rd party observer - writing for the wire undercover - - scoping out the scenario - scribes do not take notes - for they make notes.

ANYHOO back to this story unfolding
I share this with you on here
also on Youtube
the only way I can relate to myself
is when i allow myself to just simply
be
as I am
I am

If you pay attention to my well of life bursting ALIVE - then you already know that I declared that 2018 for me was going to be something outside my own comfort zone and rare - I said i have every intention of getting up close and personal in every way - and obedient I am to the intuitive Guidance I receive that centers within me the Understanding of the importance of my own documentations....

just the other day I was smiling to myself at how much I have grown in my sharing
it feels good

YES back to this story unfolding
tonight I wrote for like a good two hours on this something --- it could of definitely been longer because when I did look at t he time it was after 3 AM and I was shocked to see that time - because I feel like the last time I saw earthly time it was around 11 PM -- so the time did move along - anyhoo what was I saying -- -- yes the healing I have already gone thru and work thru - and then after doing all of that I am able to articulate the process of this INNER PROCESS and HEALING that has just taken place within me...


so in regards to this PAINFUL traumatic experience with losing all of my writings I had gathered up until that point and other items that too were thrown away that could never be replaced = merciless are some waves that play out into existence ---  this trauma for me to HEAL was not an easy deal or pill to swallow -- - - YEARS / YEARS went by....


so I have been tested beyond belief in experiencing certain smaller incidences that can trigger that traumatic loss of an experience that was very painful for me - - and so MINDFUL is me - - for I do not want to live in pain - I would much rather get thru the shit and move the funk along - - - that song always will be most appealing to me and definitely for me...


so Tonight when this loss occurred -- I caught it quick - but I found myself feeling Hurt by it - so immediately I had to check myself - I love starting with the question WHY? and it was because I was really diggin everything I wrote that I know is mine and lives inside of me - - -but the annoyance level of having to redo everything - and how often that this happens to me - -- well this has been something of a trigger that I am thankful to be mindful of and share with you all...


so boo hoo I lost my writing
I even wrote about it on my blog
and then I took a chill pill out from doing that task at hand that I was a moment ago excited to get back into my automatic zone of writing - but boo hoo me - I clicked the wrong thing and lost all Iwrote - I attempted to save it - I really did - but it was gone...

and something that I typically do not do
I caught myself DWELLING on this too
and clarity still had not hit me at this once upon moment in time
I did what I does best
reflective at best
I meditate and ask what I desire to know
silence my inner lands by flowing rad
and just like that
OUTTA NOWHERE
yet SOMEWHERE
a blast of INNER SIGHT
received like a DOWNLOAD In my mind
I understood WHY on a WHOLE other level why all of that took place
and how that opened the door to CREATE an acknowledgement of a
VIBRATION That I was not conscious of at this time
which is BENEFICIAL to me and my EVOLUTIONARY GROWTH in every single way
no matter how kooky I appear to be
this overly poetic eccentric some repeat
to me
as if I do not SEE myself when I put myself out there on display


In this instant download of INNERSTANDING that I sure AM RECEIVING
I even commented out loud
like OOHHHH I get it NOW - - I see - I see

I may have worked thru the EMOTIONAL LAYERS Of GETTING THRU This particular LOSS and TRAUMATIC experience - but what I Did not NIP in the BUTT was ALL the BEHAVIORS / PATTERNS / THOUGHT PROCESSES that were constantly evolving and being created DUE to this traumatic experience that once upon a time had occurred.

I caught myself real quick beginning to get overwhelmed with this feeling upset and disappointed kinda feeling
but spirit was revealing to me something
EDUCATIONAL
Do you SEE?
the part of me that GIVES UP you SEE so that I WON"T get overwhelmed in my EMOTIONS - further creating explosive oceans of unexpressed feelings that I never got the ability to
express
share
tell myself with care

I NO longer wanted to do the ACTIVITY that I was just a moment ago excited to do - and because what I was working on got lost somehow - - - I now loss the drive some how???
further letting myself down?
Isn't that like the fool coming back in town ??

It is like with any addiction
there are many layered parts to one addiction
and each part needs to be undressed


there are so many things that I am seeing in the air around me
that I could only imagine the entire stripping revealing truly what exists before me

this air I breathe
interwoven within the air
I see things there

Writer LIFE

I was up for hours
writing this thing
finally feeling all
positive about how
this particular writing is coming together
when only yesterday I could not see  how that could be
and of course
there is no one here to blame
but I may have accidentally clicked off without thinking the page i was on that had all of these words that I wrote that took me hours to write
and just like that
disappeared
gone from my life
I checked myself immediately before wrecking myself
for this too could of been used
as a test of some sort
a trigger of annoyance and anger that could rage from within me
for having lost once again all that writing
that brings up for me the once again part
riding this middle line of align is interesting

reread

conscious
creatures
do not take
everything
perceived
as your
reality or actuality
even if it plays out
in the external environments
I realized what a snob
I have been
to snub
questions people
waste their time
asking
for I did not realize my natural
snubbing
taking place
yet it occurred
we do not need to
MOVE
to ACT
yet its power is just as strong
amplified
magnified
centered within ones divine
of align
of whatever
energy
they generate
the questions asked
by capable beings
tells you clearly what world they
occupy
what questions are being asked
and whom are you asking
reread
reread
reread

Veil Drops to the FLOOR

it is possible to
FEEL
every edge and round
the VEIL
falls to the ground
and if one
attempts to
try it again
it will be
 for their
own
STRANGLEminTS
with that veil
that is not yours
to place
over another
fear got you moving
foolish
to block
another from rising
and evolving into their ultimate
feast
and some kind of wonderful
melodic are these beats I speak
with such fiery alchemy
be careful with me
touch what is only
yours
which is nothing
ain't that something

CREATOR WORLD of WORDs CHANNELING DEEP

I knew our relationship would teach me
so much
I knew there were going to be things that YOU
were going to be able to SHOW me
based on your inner levels
of Not Consciously knowing
of the seeds you be sowing
Have courage faint heart is what I heard
spirit say
but what does Spirit know anyway?
what is spirit some may say...
how did I know of our happenings
before their happenings
accepting the sealed fate
I was to learn
grow
unravel
parts of my unconscious
the parts of my own abuse
the parts of me living in the shadowy world disowned
I had to SEE
thru you
to further HEAL myself
thru the
things long buried
hidden from my most superficial layer of consciousness
I knew I was going back to school
and traveling back in time
it has always been
curiosity
to be some esteem driver in me
that goes full speed ahead
without thinking
yet thinking
and ever knowing
but so filled with stupid
if stupid could be this tangible goop of a thing
it would be made up of many strings
I say, burn these things
but yes...
resurfacing for me
were many of things
unhealed within me
or not so much not healed
but never did I fully go thru
many of the things
this relationship cooked up
brought up
brought into conscious awareness
the things left in me that needed for me to
complete
and Graduate from
but still FOOL is I
all of thee time
oblivious was I
to the NATURAL disORDER
of the other party and their
True Blue Narcissistic Victim Tragedy
reality
that they never had any intention of ridding themselves of
here I am
foolish once again
believing our engage
was for their own elevate as well
but maybe these karmic patterns differ and do tell different stories although shared with one another in this earth space of a place that is hard to erase
feels like a race
against this imagery of my own mind
Thinking that others are clothed like I
no
no no
not in this lifetime
although there are many beacons of light
Life
contributing to these times
but still so many missing components
that is not meant to be made seen
by ones own perception of
experiencing of this level of reality
I have kicked myself off my own high horse
and yet NOW I have managed to climb right back on
sitting cosmically tall
on my Rider
Black Beauty
clearly this man was a racist
for he carried the emblem
of his mighty flag everywhere with him
and still ran away from home
I ran away from home a time or two
or three or four
I know this door
and what it smells like
feels like
I know what it be tasting like too for I am
COOK too here on these lands
poetry is my metaphoric stance
on these lands
for they claim me to be adorable
rhetorical
and ignorable
for my submission lies in that energy field
of a subconscious so real
of a conditioning
thru my growing pains
of being raised a certain kind of way
that FORCED me into
OBEDIENCE
because sometimes it was NOT worth the fight
and that truth penetrating my temples
realizing stuck
was this situation
and I'd rather have them THINK they won
with their arrogance
with their pride
with their ignorant chatter
about What really matters
only ACTING out their own
FAMILY Matters
most people are not the same person behind closed doors
I KNOW this for sure
I knew there was HEALING I was to experience
and during the course of our time spent
seeds of quantum proportions are airborne now
in the air we breathe
these seeds
even the closing of this chapter
for my own Happily ever After
I keep all reflectors on
neon lighting preferably so that I may dance
into every I am
this was some serious pruning and priming
and shining
for I did catch on to what was occurring inner dynamically early
BEFORE the stages ever took place
the Oblivious carefree one in me
the gullible breed
child like seed
was sent back on out
this time with no leash
to SEE
the components within me that make up this
flesh eating virus
that plagues
my
mind
body
heart
and soul
Where do the monsters that come out in the dark disappear to you when you live with every Faery light on -  - do they disintegrate into the walls?
any NEGATIVE seed one attempts to break
or no longer associate with
must inner stand
that ONE may TURN on EVERY LIGHT
and ACT the part needed to ACHIEVE The POSITIVE side of things one desires for oneself
what happened to their negative over time?
DOES it just no longer exist?
What is the origin of Humans being AFRAID of darkness?
Like when did it become the norm to be afraid of the dark at night and for children to sleep with night lights on ? If parents say  to their child - "do not be ridiculous - there are no monsters in here. It is all in your imagination."How does that resolve the the lack of knowledge and understanding your child does not have at this time about the unwarranted FEAR being FELT and experienced  - Like DOES anyone in any household KNOW why he/she may be feeling so afraid? was something seen? heard? shown? felt? does anyone ever explore?  Do parents even ask ?

I went off a little bit there
but it is so on
like super on
this is freestyle writing moments
that I just type away
allowing my fingers to just lead the way and not give much thought to the phenomenal process actually taking place as write all of this down


When I was younger and a teacher asked me where did all of my writings come from  - my poems , songs, short stories, essays etc etc - like what is my process?  I remember being asked this all of the time  - and my answer although in essence still the same - my own inner stand of comprehend is expansive in every way...


prior to writing on computers
I was a pen and paper kinda gal
and still one to this very day
I Love me some paper and pens
writing is part of my source and passionate everlasting friend

There was one teacher
I loved
Mrs.Dick
I remember when she asked me this
she really
really wanted to know
and I remember being so intrigued and feeling honored
that she was so interested in me
she would ask me so many things
about my creative ways
and I never acknowledged them in that kind of way

but when it came to writing
 this particular conversation I can recall
in my mind
I explained to her simply - I never know what I am going to write I just pick up my pen and I do and when I am done I read back too


I have so many moments to my self
where I have written something
that I have silently in complete amazement
could not believe that I wrote that lol

and even as a child
I had a profound understanding of that writers well existing within me
this connection that I was conscious of since BEfoRE  being able to legibly write
even when I did not know my abc's
1-2-3's
writing has always been this thing with me
TRAVELER is me
CREATOR
WORLD
WORD

I still do not like being interrupted while in this flow
nasty clap backs are all I know
disappear with your noise
when I am
feverishly writing
I am working
on my non
angry
irritable
response
still yet to be perfected
nor will it ever be
cause consideration should be something you fudgin
just exude and are
by far
but that is something you either are
or aren't
check your currents

The FAERY FOREST ORACLES Pt 3

THE FAERY FOREST ORACLE 2

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