Uncut/unfinished saved Draft from 12/17/13 .. Bleh blah

I thinks about all the lost writings

that got lost over the years ..
I still get emotional talking about it, because I "believed" that those writings, memories , etc ..
I "believed" they were "Lost" forever..

But that is bullshit ..
I just realized this now ..
I even punished myself by purposely not writing at different periods of my life just because it angered me at the "thought" of all those things that I once had, we're forever gone ..

I became "Madd" ...

 ( that's as far as I will go with that thought process on here ) lol but yea anyway that's all bullshit anyway ..
Everything I've ever written or created is fkn mine ...

So on that note (I am trying not 2 pay attention to commas & such  as I write this uncut shit .. But it's fkn driving me crazy ..

So I purposely put shit in the wrong place .. & I swear it drives a part of me crazy..

But I shut out that noise immediately.. But it's still there lol .. ) I'm kind of feeling irritable at this very moment (not irritable in the sense of taking it out on others .. Cause I def don't do that .. But I keep away from all .. Because people can annoy me at times ..

But deep down I know it's not them ..
It's me .. So since I know this .. I just keep away ..

Silence ..
I always need that ..

And I am grateful to be blessed to have that "moment to myself" at least almost everyday ..

But these last 2 days uh-uh .. I've been surrounded .. Not left alone .. & I'm pretty sensitive to energies around me .. & you know I can't keep my bubble on forever .. lol after all I am still only "human!"

What is human ??
So not fkn going there tonight ...

Haha..
L.a.L <~~~ I really love that saying  .. My sis made it up .. Or at least she thinks she did .. & by her believing I never once doubted her .. She's pretty clever & I find her absolutely hysterical. It's always been her & I

. ALWAYS!! That's priceless!!!

Although I still will never  understand how in the world people "claim" words, phrases, sentences .. Like are u fkn kidding me .. Thoughts have energy in them (science proves that .. (At least i think they do .. )

oh boii another distraction .. lol what the fk is it with us... Me .. You..

Momentary distraction... ha!

 Yes what is up with "We" people wanting to "know" shit like "craving monsters" searching .. Looking ... Hunting ..& believe  you , me .. That's cool .. I think that zest for knowledge

in whatever interest you is fkn BEAUTIFUL..  

But the problem that exist all around us .. The more "dominating" energy force .. It's on a major negative .. Like negative shouldn't even be the word to describe it (although it's still negative ) but it's "darker" than that .. many people want to "know" all the wrong shit .. Things that do not even really matter .things to me that just never made any sense .. . & you have the vast majority making themselves miserable over the "nonsense" of "knowledge" &"things" they "hunt" for ...&

Now leave me alone !! lol 

Omg but b4 I go rambling on about God knows what lol the point I was trying to make before all this rambling .. Was.. Is.. Everything I ever written or created in (yup I went bk up to re~read because even I forgot what I was fkn talking about .. lol I didn't forget .. But then there would of been just another "empty space" above .. And Lord knows now how extremely conscientious of everything I'm sending out into this very funny Universe

.. So for Universe sake &; all it's funny little dynamics .. I "choose" to "intentionally" fill in that "empty space" &; retrieve (receive)  all that is mine !!

Blah bleh meh.. Still haven't said it lol I too... Can be annoying .. I think .. Well anyways we are all individuals with are own "preferences" ... Anyways, I am setting a major Intention here ... I recall & desire to get back all that was lost ...

Because it's fkn Mine.. Duh!! (And that's not ego talking either lol .. It's just simple truth .. Created by me!